The invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

by
Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I picked up this wonderful invitation from the poem / video above and I answered it for myself, on my way to discovering myself better, finding new opportunities for personal growth, on my way to finding emotional wellness and balance, on my way to becoming a whole-hearted person:

Yes, I always dare to dream of meeting what my heart is longing for. 🙂 …and sometimes I act, with more or less success, but at least with no regret of not trying to move things forward.

Yes, I risked all to many times to look like a fool for love, for my dreams, for my ideas, for the adventure of being alive. Yes, I will risk it all over again and again.

Yes, I have been opened by life’s betrayals….too many betrayals …that I see now as many kind lessons for my life 🙂 …all in all, these enriched my soul, growed my wisdom and opened my eyes and my heart.

Sitting with pain without moving to hide it, fade it or fix it…. yes, I stayed with pain…but not without trying to fix it…and sometimes trying to fade it or hide it….so here is the first place for personal growth and wisdom….but why do I need to stay with pain without fixing it? Hmmmm…..

Yes, I can be joyful, cheerful, happy, spread and sparkle it around me :).

Yes, I can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill me to the tips of my fingers and toes ….dance to such an extent that sometimes, my imagination starts dancing wild also :p ….however, in this moment, because of too many knee issues that I had lately, I cannot dance without being  careful, without being realistic, without remembering the limitations of being human….but once I’ll know for sure I’m all covered, I’ll get back to my carefree wild dancing happiness! I miss that so much! 🙂

Yes, I was able to disappoint another close friend to be true to myself, yes, I was able to do a thing I never thought, to finish a one year friendship that was already requiring from me more than I could/wanted to offer and was twisting my soul around, so I ended up starting to be true to myself. It hurt a lot, it made me silent for a while, but it made me grow, it made me discover myself…and the others around me, it opened my eyes in so many ways…it also made me want to change things in me and around me. And I am still thinking of those changes and I keep adding new ones.

Yes, I could bear the accusation of betrayal and still I did not betray my own soul. I am over peer pressure, baby! I do things because I love them, I want them, I believe in them, I need them, I find them fitting my soul, my personality, because I’m curious to try new things or changes, because somebody showed me a different perspective and now I want to test it…I don’t do things because I am told that otherwise I will betray the group, the people, the situation etc. 🙂 I am the master of my soul, I am the captain of my fate.

Yes, I can be faithful, but not to passengers in my life…my dog days are over for this type of people.  But for those that matter, faithfulness and trustworthiness will be my gift to them.

Yes, I can see beauty around and also in me, I am myself a little ugly duck that sometimes sees herself as a beautiful swan :)). Yes, I see beauty everywhere around and especially inside the people I meet, even when it’s not pretty, when it’s blamed by many people, when it’s in a shadowed corner and it totally fills up my life once I discover it! I …however, here there is more place for personal growth at this chapter….it’s hard to see the beauty if you are judging the others…and that’s another of my personal challenges, being less judgemental, even if I never do it with the arrogance of being better or with bad thoughts, it’s just part of my learning process, understanding, accepting…but as long as I still do it and it’s disturbing, it must be changed….how can i change it when judging is part of my learning process and I don’t want to stop learning? …Things to reflect upon these days…

Yes, I could live with failure….it was hard to accept it, but I had to live with failure…especially with failure in my eyes…it took me a lot to get over this perception of myself in my eyes….I’m blessed that I don’t really care of other people’s perception since they are unaware of my challenges and my life ….but the failure perception in my eyes was tough to carry…. and blogging here from time to time about good positive things or about tough lessons that I got helped me a lot to deal with it all.  I’m a new person now, all these things changed me a lot …so now you can bring me the lake and the silver of the full moon and now I am finally able to shout out loud “Yes!” …because I know I will not get depressed as easy as before, I know I will not give up and I will be persistent enough until I will break it through and win my own personal challenges.

Yes….I had to many nights of grief and despairs recently, bruises not as much to my bones, I had those also, but the worst bruises were to my soul, many bruises in my last two years…but I got up for myself and for the ones believing in me. I am still standing and I will get up whenever I will fall down, there’s nothing keeping a good girl down for too long. Hopefully I won’t need to go through all this pain again in the future, but I will handle it if it appears again. Tough times never lasts, tough people do. However, will I be able to do this for my children?  I don’t know….because I don’t know if I’ll ever have children or a family or real love, that is something that I don’t know in this moment.

Yes, knowing myself, I have the courage to stay in the middle of problems, fire and attack and don’t back up. But only when I believe in the cause for which I am in the middle of it all. Not for everyone, not for everything, not for every random idea. Only for those meaningful people, projects and ideas filling up my life.

What sustains me from inside when everything else fails? Hope. Positive energy and thinking built-in many years and many personal challenges. And sometimes I think a little angel is next to me and it gives me strength to carry on.

Yes, I like my company. My empty moments are rare, since I prefer to be surrounded by friends with kind souls and cheerfulness every day, but in those rare moments, I like myself. I like what I’ve become and I will like myself even more when I will slowly check personal challenge after personal challenge and still being able to keep a kind open soul and a wisdom as much as I can embrace it with my little brain :p.

 

Advertisements