Looking back into my past
I just re-read my very first post on this blog in end Oct 2009, The world is round, and I write down some thoughts that I wrote then and try to re-evaluate them now.
- “yes, it is true, writing is healing your mind and your soul […] Web 2.0 is for the moment the change that will bring freshness in my life, the creative endeavour that I am willing to give time for it, because I am sure it will help me more than isolating my mind and focusing on a drawing, as I did some time ago.”
- Now it’s even more true for me then than. It was a slow and scary begining in blogging for me, writing, sharing, feeling vulnerable and exposed to who knows who (even if only a few friends had the link) and in this point of my life, it’s still a little bit like this, I still have a small little freak out moment if I know my blog is shared / found etc.
- I feel stronger because I could be this open to the world. I feel more confident and more in touch with the real me. I feel real. So all in all… it’s therapy for free :), emotional welness through exploratory journaling, as this article is saying.
- I totally encourage writting about personal experiences, be it in a wide open blog or just in a document protected with password in a corner of your laptop. No matter how personal kept will be your experience, try writting about it from your soul and mind. It’s eliberating! ;))
- “And who knows, it might be the beginning of a better part, but as long as I keep looking in the past, my eyes will be faaar away from the future …so now I am putting an end to it, and the only way that I know how to do it is to change some things around me, to change some things in me….like taking time to write down some personal thoughts that were always there, but never gave them the needed priority in my desire of fully experiencing this traineeship.”
- Nope, it was not the beginning of a better part. But yes, taking my eyes from the wonderful past into the gloomy future kept me more focused on what I had to do. And yeap…change is the key word. Then, now and many more times, change is my life’s constant and I enjoy it.
- And an article that I read these days will definitely make me keep my promise of coming back to reference points from my past. The article is about a Portuguese writer, Jose Luis Peixoto, that said that books are incomplete until somebody is reading the books and gives them a meaning. Adapting this, my experience will be fully complete and finished when I will discover the reason for this twist in the end of the experience [traineeship 2009]…and when I will be able to give a final meaning to all the things I’ve been through. My experience might be finished if I consider the time already for a month!, but I think it still needs time to be complete, to have a better meaning attached to it… so I will let it mature just like a good wine, in the safety of my mind.
- Meaning, meaning…I discovered many meanings, many reasons for my experiences in the last years…and many can be found going around in the posts I wrote. But I still think my experience is not over, many things are still to come, so I still ponder on an overall meaning and reason of the things happening in the last 2 years of my life. I guess my wine needs more time to get matured ;)) And I’m still getting younger every year on my bday! 😀
- However, why do we humans have a need of meaning so high in all of us, making us think of meanings, justifications and reasons for each action? Why can’t we just accept some things? Rational thoughtful beings…I guess I learned this year to be also a little bit more intuitive, to trust my untouchable senses, to trust my heart and irational impulses sometimes…and it was all for the good so far 🙂
- I am leaving you with the song that was in my mind and ears when I wrote this post
- yes, the same song was now on my mind and ears ….”Some people say that I’m to open :p ” I guess I am still like this….”maybe they’re right”…but “I live my life the way I want” and I keep real, I’m being true to who I am and who I want to be.
- This time, the song interpreted live added a new meaning for me…singing for peace, in a troubled world, earthquakes, tsunami, vulcanoes, natural disasters, and on top of it all…man agains man, nation against nation, sufferings ….singing now also for peace.
I had also a look at my 3rd post, “Spectacular view”, and now more then ever I think it’s true that “Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in…[…] Here’s what I know…If you’re willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is SPECTACULAR!”“