Humanity & Christmas magic
Tonight was the 2nd and 3rd time I saw a person crying in Munich.
First time – some months ago, with Venky, coming back from Hauptbahnhof, waiting for the Ubahn, we saw a women crying for a few moments before getting into our Ubahn…we were both happy, problems free, but both noticed her and we were wondering why was she crying…not for long, though, she was not getting in the same train with us and the discussion was going nowhere anyway.
Tonight – in the bus 51, going to Machtlfingerstr. I was staying on one seat from a 4 seats place, with the walkman headphones on my ears, my mind far away and trying to order a little bit my twisted current life…A women came and sat in front of me, on diagonal, a middle age woman, dressed kind of poor and not suitable for her age, not really taking care of her hair, clothes, appearance etc. Seemed sad…or just the normal German way of not smiling on buses and Ubahn…already used to that….. We were the only ones on this 4 seat place. After 2 or 3 stations (probably…) I noticed she had tears on her eyes, and there were 2 rows of tears running fast on her face. She couldn’t stop it… I was really blocked….my mind started popping up so many questions: Why is she crying? Lots of scenarios were rolling in my mind. Can I help her somehow? Would I be rude if I ask her any of these questions? Does she know English or just German? For a minute, just the time between 2 stations, I had so many questions, pro and cons in my mind if I should speek with her, that it seemed an hour…And I remembered myself….how lonely I felt when after I was strong enough for so long for me and in front of my friends (so good at it that only a few friends actually saw what was hiding beyond my smile, beyond my efforts of moving on and just solve things) , but one day I was in a similar situation somewhere in a bus, too overwhelmed of so many things on my mind and soul and I really could not stop my tears…and even if I saw some other travellers looking at me, they were looking as if they were looking through me, no one seemed to notice, no one said a kind word, no one even moved or gave back a look. A cold cold attitude when a nice word or just a smile, a try to help from a total stranger that you will never meet again can possibly make you feel better or calm you. On one hand, I felt better like this, because it’s this kind of dignity that you have the feeling that you keep it if the others seems that they don’t notice anything, on the other hand, anyway you know they noticed, plus there are people that are total strangers, so no one really knows you, you don’t need to be stronger for no one, it’s sometimes better to get those bad thoughts out and free your mind, and in some moments it’s easier to open in front of people that you don’t know and you will never meet again, but just happen to be there to listen and help you see a better part of life….sometimes, that’s all you need, an ear and a smile. So, I really could understand the way she might have felt…… I decided to take the risk of being rude and try to give her at least a smile or a good word, or just an ear to listen. But…some things need to be done in the right moment. I just decided this and the bus stopped, she was already clearing her tears, she stood up, looked at me trying to smile and then she got out of the bus…. Since when I become so absorbed of my own thoughts without noticing people around me? I started becoming colder and I don’t like it.
Why we don’t think about the effects of our words, our words can hurt people so easy with a gossip, a mean joke, an irony, or just ignoring the others can have the same effect, but for doing something simply human, a smile, a good word, a well intentioned question we need so much thinking before we act? We might just miss the moment of doing something good.
I went on, reached where I needed to be…..it was truly a magic night for me, it made me feel the warmth of Christmas when I was so far away from my family and still with more then a month until the real Christmas. …the smell and taste of great home made cookies, Glühwein, friends, familar things, warm atmosphere, happy faces, nice talks, laughs and warm hugs. It really made my night, I left with such a peace and warmth in my soul, with such an energy and a big smile on my face!
I left and got the bus 51 from Machtlfingerstr to Laimer Platz, but I was still one Ubahn station away from my current home. Unfortunately, with only 2 min before, the last U5 left, so I had to go walking…it is not too far, though, but I try to avoid any walks for the moment, trying to protect my knee until I will get a chance to properly treat it. When I got out of Ubahn, I noticed a women that seemed kind of lost, sad, and she was there since I entered the ubahn station, unmoved…she was looking at an info map but started moving when I was also going out, so I thought she found her way. Reaching up, I went to a place with some light, I opened a map and I was trying to orient myself to get back home. She apperead behind me and said something and after I got my walkman out of my ears, I realized that she was just trying to help me find my way. She told me exactly where should I go, she lived in the area, so she knew exactly after I told her the street I am searching for. When I looked up from my map into her eyes to thank her, I noticed she had her eyes red…she was recently crying…and after she explained me where to go, she was just heading away from me, but this time I did not stayed to think as before in the evening, I thanked her for helping me and also I asked her if I can help her with something too, she said No, no..No, no, and her tears started again, no, no, just my lost, no, nothing you can do, but thank you…she went away fast on her way….and after a few meters, she turned back and said you know, I am not a mad person, I used to live there, so that is the right way to go to your home, it is just my lost, just my lost….and then she turned and left… With all her sadness, she still noticed me, she still stopped to help me, offering me guidance, without asking anything in return…That is humanity at its best…I wish people could be more like this and I am sorry I could not gave her some relief.
Talking about humanity, I recently heard of a really interesting project started at the end of October from Romania, The agency of fulfilling dreams, http://www.agentiademplinitdorinte.blogspot.com/, with a warm thought behind, of making wishes come true for people around us, bringing smiles on their face. And there are already a lot of “agents” around that can fulfil a dream…
..Wouldn’t be nice for all of us to be able to fulfil a wish for the people around us? Sometimes people desire things that are soooo simple and soooo easy for us to do but so hard for them to make those wishes happen! We just need to ask or at least pay attention to them, we need to be …simply human.